There are situations where I feel gratitude for ways people show up for me, and I suspect that these individuals are giving despite operating without sufficient support in their own life.
In this specific case, I’ve been running an experiment of “back-gifting”. The idea of back-gifting is that something nice happens to me, and as an act of appreciation and support I’ll give a reciprocal token of appreciation — food, money, a massage, etc.
The intention of this isn’t to transactionalize their gift and turn it into an exchange, it’s to say: “I see the depth of your care and celebrate you by offering this token of gratitude and support”. This support is incomparable to the value I’ve received from them, feeling held by the depth of presence and care they bring isn’t convertible to dollars, but sending some surprise dollars along can reduce material anxiety and perhaps help them feel seen and supported.
As part of the non-transactional nature of back-gifting, each instance is completely self-contained. If I give a back-gift for a really nice massage or yoga class it’s a one-off gift which may never happen again. If it ever becomes an expectation, it’s been converted to a kind of covert debt, which transactionalizes the connection.
This is perhaps my only “ask” for anyone who receives a back-gift: each back-gift is unique and non-transactional in both directions.
Finally if you’re reading this, it may be because you’ve received a back-gift: if so, thank you for making my life better. It means the world to me.