- Sensations and emotions are facts. They never need to be justified or explained to be valid and true.
- Stories are always wrong, but useful. Stories are useful for making sense of situations and emotions, but need to be held lightly and spaciously, to remain in line with evidence, our degree of confidence (which is likely lower than we think it is), and possibility of other valid interpretations. Many self-consistent stories can be held in parallel in any given situation. On their own, stories cannot cause tangible injury. If they are wrong (which they are), no biggie, and if they’re on the right track, there’s something interesting to explore.
- Action is required for injury. Where stories can be lightly held, low stakes, explorational, action has real and tangible cost, stakes, risk.
- Cleanly decouple emotions from stories. As emotions are facts, holding space for them can be validating, regulating, connecting. Regulation before resolution. Feelings must be fully felt to re-regulate. As stories are always wrong, once jointly regulated, they can be collaboratively engaged with. But when coupled, emotions and stories can get conflated, leading to confusion and fear.
- Cleanly decouple stories from decisions or actions. Stories become heavy and scary when they’re coupled to decisions. Decisions have implied costs, stakes, risk. Stories on their own do not, and on their own, it’s easier to trend towards consensus of what’s going on. When coupled, stories can become scary and difficult to engage with, and it can become harder to make sense of a given situation.
In short, “emotions are facts” —> “stories are wrong, useful, and ultimately harmless” —> “decisions can be harmful”. Each statement is true if cleanly decoupled.
flowchart TD A{"Stage 1: Feel the feelings, emote, share, regulate."} B["Stage 2: Explore stories broadly, lightly, playfully"] C("Stage 3: Come to consensus of best composition of stories") D(("Stage 4: Discuss tangible decisions, actions to take place")) E{{"Stage 5: Come to consensus of best action, given stories"}} A --> B B -->|"Brings up new emotions, go back to Stage 1"| A B --> C C --> D D -->|"Brings up new emotions, go back to Stage 1"| A D -->|"Brings up new stories, go back to Stage 2"| B D --> E