Highlights
Quote
The main shift for me was opening up the possibility to view sexuality as an innocent and fun expression of joy to be celebrated.
Quote
I found this quite intriguing and asked him what a “natural” expression of sexuality looks like, he responded with “Woooo!”
Quote
That gesture clicked with me immediately. It evoked pure fun, play, and joy - the face of a child full of glee.
Quote
This was sexuality as innocent play rather than something heavy and consuming, something where one needs to perform, to prove their desirability or get maximum pleasure.
Quote
The “Woooo!” energy feels more joyful and spontaneous, less about consuming and more about pure excitement and play.
Quote
Arousal was simply avoided, creating awkwardness around anything in that direction.
Quote
Thangkas with Buddhas in consort practice symbolize a fundamentally different relationship - experiencing the full bliss of reality while recognizing the ultimately empty nature of it - fully feeling, yet totally insubstantial.
Quote
Different from viewing it as this sacred force, George actually spoke of arousal as a very ordinary experience, a fart in the wind.
Quote
It’s a perfectly ordinary thing and denying that doesn’t make sense.
Quote
Public transport is my favorite spot for spiritual practice, so today I tried to be aware of the hot or not reaction in my body as I navigate London’s tube.
Quote
Another interesting frame was authentic relationship versus role-based relationship
Quote
Authentic exploration on the other hand is expressing yourself authentically in the present moment, no strategies or tricks
Quote
Main takeaway: everything is good
Clean Copy
On innocent sexuality
All opinions are based on my own conditioning - I take no responsibility.
I recently attended a dharma/attachment class by George Haas on sex. It left a meaningful impression on me that I want to reflect on. The main shift for me was opening up the possibility to view sexuality as an innocent and fun expression of joy to be celebrated.
George mentioned that “we’re all born with a sleek, sexy sports car of a sexual orientation but by the time we’re old enough to drive, it’s a beat-up old jalopy”. So many people have a rigid front they stick with to express sexuality.
I found this quite intriguing and asked him what a “natural” expression of sexuality looks like, he responded with “Woooo!” - extending his hand joyfully in the air like a child who just got the Game Boy they’d been wishing for.
That gesture clicked with me immediately. It evoked pure fun, play, and joy - the face of a child full of glee. It reminded me of an experience I had at a retreat where a few people raised their hands when I asked them if they had considered having sex with me. Instead of being filled with lust, I had the exact same reaction as George - “Woooo!” - raising both arms in innocent joy. My being was glowing with child-like excitement, similar to Akon in his deeply moving piece, I Just Had Sex.
a group of men are dancing on a rooftop and one of them says i just had sex
This was sexuality as innocent play rather than something heavy and consuming, something where one needs to perform, to prove their desirability or get maximum pleasure.
There’s a qualitative difference in the felt sense between these two. The arousal that feels more driven by trauma co-arises with feelings of greed, power and taking, almost like extracting pleasure. It’s arousing but in a different way, less bright.
The “Woooo!” energy feels more joyful and spontaneous, less about consuming and more about pure excitement and play.
But beyond the content, the real teaching was the place from which George was talking. You could feel how softly joyful he was when discussing arousal, desire, and sexual expression. He talks about it as another beautiful aspect of the human condition ripe with exploration, not something to hide away or perform correctly.
How we learn what arousal means
As with all emotions, we learn from our environment what arousal means. As infants, we just feel sensations with no interpretation. We then look to our caregivers to understand what we’re experiencing. We observe how our caregivers react to arousal either in us or themselves - are they open and spontaneous, or do they feel bad, hide, or show shame? How do they invite the other parent when they feel arousal?
The child picks up on these patterns and learns: this is how to behave when aroused.
Growing up, there was a deep discomfort around sexuality just hanging in the air in my family. When watching TV and a suggestive scene would come on, we’d switch channels and return five minutes later. This was never acknowledged - there was a tacit understanding that this domain of life was uncomfortable. Arousal was simply avoided, creating awkwardness around anything in that direction.
In addition to our caregivers, our culture, religion, and society contribute to distorting originally innocent, spontaneous, and open expressions. Arousal gets pushed out of our open spontaneous expression and escapes into kinks, where it lives on in a more restricted way.
Some thoughts on spiritual exploration
I have always been intrigued by sexual transmutation practices. I tried nofap as a teenager after reading Think and Grow Rich, where the author talks about transmuting sexual energy into creating something in the material world instead of “wasting” it.
Clearly part of me was intrigued by these practices, but another part of me is also quite turned off. Why devote so much attention to this part of life?
Moving to San Francisco had me confront this. People ask if you are polyamorous or monogamous, sex parties are not uncommon and a non-trivial amount of “inner work” revolves around sexual energy. People pay to masturbate in groups. I could conceive of these experiences as transformative but ultimately just hedonic pursuits.
That said, it does seem that sexuality is a deep universal force that reveals another layer of openness. As Frank Yang says “the universe is fucking itself raw without a condom.”
Samantabhadra Buddha Thangka Painting | traditionalartofnepal.com
Sex can be the most contracting experience, making us either cling to it or push it away. Thangkas with Buddhas in consort practice symbolize a fundamentally different relationship - experiencing the full bliss of reality while recognizing the ultimately empty nature of it - fully feeling, yet totally insubstantial. If you can ride the wave of the most intense natural experience a being can experience, you can surely ride the contractions of everyday life!
Arousal as ordinary
Different from viewing it as this sacred force, George actually spoke of arousal as a very ordinary experience, a fart in the wind. This is quite different from how my emotional system treats it.
He explained that all of us have a brain region that evaluates whether we would have sex with a person or not and we make that evaluation with everyone we meet. It’s a perfectly ordinary thing and denying that doesn’t make sense. Being an adult means being conscious of these feelings while honoring the commitments we made with others as well as consent.
Public transport is my favorite spot for spiritual practice, so today I tried to be aware of the hot or not reaction in my body as I navigate London’s tube. It’s super interesting to observe that process and develop a deeper somatic understanding of these feelings and what is arousing - it sometimes can be surprising!
Authentic exploration
Another interesting frame was authentic relationship versus role-based relationship. The majority of people are in a role-based relationship. Think of most of the dating/self-help advice, that says that “Men are like X, Women are like Y; these are the four surefire ways to get laid” These strategies might work, but ultimately operate within a role-based framework. It’s a stable setup and culture from around the world still work that way. As long as you perform the role well, things work.
Authentic exploration on the other hand is expressing yourself authentically in the present moment, no strategies or tricks. In the bedroom that would mean staying connected with the present moment and the partner and discovering what’s actually arousing, rather than follow a playbook or just get off.
I admittedly have no clue what any of this looks like! But George made it sound like it was really nice, so I will take his word for it.
Main takeaway: everything is good
The main impression I got from the workshop is that sexuality is actually an innocent, natural, fun expression - it’s just “Woooo!”
Annotated Copy
On innocent sexuality
All opinions are based on my own conditioning - I take no responsibility.
I recently attended a dharma/attachment class by George Haas on sex. It left a meaningful impression on me that I want to reflect on. The main shift for me was opening up the possibility to view sexuality as an innocent and fun expression of joy to be celebrated.
George mentioned that “we’re all born with a sleek, sexy sports car of a sexual orientation but by the time we’re old enough to drive, it’s a beat-up old jalopy”. So many people have a rigid front they stick with to express sexuality.
I found this quite intriguing and asked him what a “natural” expression of sexuality looks like, he responded with “Woooo!” - extending his hand joyfully in the air like a child who just got the Game Boy they’d been wishing for.
That gesture clicked with me immediately. It evoked pure fun, play, and joy - the face of a child full of glee. It reminded me of an experience I had at a retreat where a few people raised their hands when I asked them if they had considered having sex with me. Instead of being filled with lust, I had the exact same reaction as George - “Woooo!” - raising both arms in innocent joy. My being was glowing with child-like excitement, similar to Akon in his deeply moving piece, I Just Had Sex.
a group of men are dancing on a rooftop and one of them says i just had sex
This was sexuality as innocent play rather than something heavy and consuming, something where one needs to perform, to prove their desirability or get maximum pleasure.
There’s a qualitative difference in the felt sense between these two. The arousal that feels more driven by trauma co-arises with feelings of greed, power and taking, almost like extracting pleasure. It’s arousing but in a different way, less bright.
The “Woooo!” energy feels more joyful and spontaneous, less about consuming and more about pure excitement and play.
But beyond the content, the real teaching was the place from which George was talking. You could feel how softly joyful he was when discussing arousal, desire, and sexual expression. He talks about it as another beautiful aspect of the human condition ripe with exploration, not something to hide away or perform correctly.
How we learn what arousal means
As with all emotions, we learn from our environment what arousal means. As infants, we just feel sensations with no interpretation. We then look to our caregivers to understand what we’re experiencing. We observe how our caregivers react to arousal either in us or themselves - are they open and spontaneous, or do they feel bad, hide, or show shame? How do they invite the other parent when they feel arousal?
The child picks up on these patterns and learns: this is how to behave when aroused.
Growing up, there was a deep discomfort around sexuality just hanging in the air in my family. When watching TV and a suggestive scene would come on, we’d switch channels and return five minutes later. This was never acknowledged - there was a tacit understanding that this domain of life was uncomfortable. Arousal was simply avoided, creating awkwardness around anything in that direction.
In addition to our caregivers, our culture, religion, and society contribute to distorting originally innocent, spontaneous, and open expressions. Arousal gets pushed out of our open spontaneous expression and escapes into kinks, where it lives on in a more restricted way.
Some thoughts on spiritual exploration
I have always been intrigued by sexual transmutation practices. I tried nofap as a teenager after reading Think and Grow Rich, where the author talks about transmuting sexual energy into creating something in the material world instead of “wasting” it.
Clearly part of me was intrigued by these practices, but another part of me is also quite turned off. Why devote so much attention to this part of life?
Moving to San Francisco had me confront this. People ask if you are polyamorous or monogamous, sex parties are not uncommon and a non-trivial amount of “inner work” revolves around sexual energy. People pay to masturbate in groups. I could conceive of these experiences as transformative but ultimately just hedonic pursuits.
That said, it does seem that sexuality is a deep universal force that reveals another layer of openness. As Frank Yang says “the universe is fucking itself raw without a condom.”
Samantabhadra Buddha Thangka Painting | traditionalartofnepal.com
Sex can be the most contracting experience, making us either cling to it or push it away. Thangkas with Buddhas in consort practice symbolize a fundamentally different relationship - experiencing the full bliss of reality while recognizing the ultimately empty nature of it - fully feeling, yet totally insubstantial. If you can ride the wave of the most intense natural experience a being can experience, you can surely ride the contractions of everyday life!
Arousal as ordinary
Different from viewing it as this sacred force, George actually spoke of arousal as a very ordinary experience, a fart in the wind. This is quite different from how my emotional system treats it.
He explained that all of us have a brain region that evaluates whether we would have sex with a person or not and we make that evaluation with everyone we meet. It’s a perfectly ordinary thing and denying that doesn’t make sense. Being an adult means being conscious of these feelings while honoring the commitments we made with others as well as consent.
Public transport is my favorite spot for spiritual practice, so today I tried to be aware of the hot or not reaction in my body as I navigate London’s tube. It’s super interesting to observe that process and develop a deeper somatic understanding of these feelings and what is arousing - it sometimes can be surprising!
Authentic exploration
Another interesting frame was authentic relationship versus role-based relationship. The majority of people are in a role-based relationship. Think of most of the dating/self-help advice, that says that “Men are like X, Women are like Y; these are the four surefire ways to get laid” These strategies might work, but ultimately operate within a role-based framework. It’s a stable setup and culture from around the world still work that way. As long as you perform the role well, things work.
Authentic exploration on the other hand is expressing yourself authentically in the present moment, no strategies or tricks. In the bedroom that would mean staying connected with the present moment and the partner and discovering what’s actually arousing, rather than follow a playbook or just get off.
I admittedly have no clue what any of this looks like! But George made it sound like it was really nice, so I will take his word for it.
Main takeaway: everything is good
The main impression I got from the workshop is that sexuality is actually an innocent, natural, fun expression - it’s just “Woooo!”